Being on an island could describe the sensation of being trapped, of running around in circles. Like Johnny Cash, you have been everywhere, explored all the caves, inspected under every bushes and walked on every path. All around you is the ocean and you are certain: you have seen it all.
Under the rain or on a sunny day, the island have no mystery for you anymore.

   

I was staying on Gili T and started to feel sick to be on an island. I felt like the small amount of soil I was standing on was like my conscious and the Sea surrounding me the outside world.

I’ve had time to walk around this island, in circle, many time and now I felt bored. Or maybe I started to feel crazy… Well it was time to stop and breath. Have a fresh view on my island (or my inner self, as you prefer) to make a point on my trip.

One day, after running in circle, you stop and look around you. You passed this spot many times but today, you feel everything changed.
  

I needed to be on an island to realise that I needed help to find a new perspective on my trip.
This travel helped me passing a lot of steps, much more quicker than I thought I would be able to.

I fought a lot of battles, specially against myself. I’ve loved a lot, specially my soul and my body. Finally, I became resilient.
Great. But I felt like I was starting to run in circle. I was thinking about me, myself and I for almost four month now and I wandered if continuing the road in the same approach would have been benefit. I wanted the next step without knowing what it would be.
  

I had time to think, observe and discover amazing things.i realized that my island was diverse and surprising, that the trees were standing up straight in the storm and that the most beautiful colors were revealing after a big rain.
  

I’ve seen a lot, but did I seen enough? No… I don’t think anyone can say that one “have discovered the world enough”, but I’ve seen enough to feel what it is to travel alone in a foreign country for a long time.

Did I want to continue the journey in the same way? No… I’m sure I would had find even more by deciding to continue my solo trip like I did for so many month. The self being is like abysses that you can keep exploring.
  

I felt like it was time to discover something new: sharing.
Being two.
Loving in a different way.
  

I realized that this would be another battle. Would I be strong enough to let myself go and trust somebody else?
  

I usually stay in contact with people that I met during my trips. At least I try. When you are discovering new places every few days and you meet new friends as often, you have to enjoy what the present offers and it means giving up your wifi addiction and pushing away electronic devices. Not easy to stay in contact in these conditions.
  

But since I said goodbye to Wes, I was surprised to realise that I was languishing over my phone, expecting a text or a message from him. When we were spending time together in Canggu, days were speeding and waking up in the mornings seemed to be too close to falling asleep at nights. Just the time of a blink and it was time to say goodbye.
  

I forced myself to stay mentally away from what I was considering “dangerous” (I mean being too close to somebody and start considering any kind of commitment including traveling with another person) but this tall elegant traveller put a spelt on me as soon as I saw him and resisting the idea of a “we” was pretty hard.
  

I thought then, that putting miles away between him and me would help to fade away this burning excitement to have found somebody like him. Maybe at least after few days I would convince myself enough that a possible story between him and me would be too complicated. Maybe I would naturally give up. But here I was, in Gili T, thinking non stop about him.
  

After giving a lot of thoughts about it, a lot of discussion with Wes, I surprisedly decided to take a ticket to Chiang Mai ten days from then and then travel with a badass traveler in Lao and Vietnam for a month. He changed his plans, I changed my plans, I liked the compromises we were doing. We were true and honest with each other and I think we were terrified by what we were doing but it felt like it was something that had to happened. Something that was beyond us. Call it fate?
  

I called myself a looser and a weak. After so many battles, I was about to give up my independence for somebody else? Just because of some awesome conversations, a beautiful smile and some butterflies in the belly? Well…
Maybe all that was just excuses that I was giving myself because I was scared? Maybe the real courage now would be to let go and try?
  

The night before Wes took his plane to Malaysia, we were talking about him staying in Indonesia or me coming back to Thailand to follow him. But none of these options were satisfying. I WANTED to travel by myself. I felt that it would have sounds stupid to do my trip in reverse and even if I really liked this guy, I still had things to prove to myself (just a little bit more!) and I was terrified to change my plans for a man that I just met.
  

I had ten more days by myself and I really counted to experience the most of it.
A new adventure was in front of me, beautiful but scary. One last thing: changing my plans to meet somebody that I liked, ok. But falling in love on the way? Come on guys… That’s so cliché. Naaah. I was absolutely not falling in love! I was just really happy to have found a road partner… I was still carrying my backpack by myself and more than anything, I had to stay true to myself! But no love implicated, promised I myself…

Ah if somebody would have told me what would happen next!!