I’ll be gone.
Hop! In a plane direction Dubai.

I’ve been preparing for this trip for few months and I have to admit, I think about it all the time. While brushing my teeth I dream about the bad beds I will sleep in. On my way to work, I’m cycling between two buses but my spirit is transported in Angkor Wat and I imagine myself discovering the temples on a rusty bike. My friends, while we were sitting on the grass to catch the pale English sun on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I was already feeling the Thai sand between my toes, the taste of a fresh coconut on my tongue, gently lulled by the song of the waves…

The idea of this project has been inside of me for so long that it became like a second skin. To imagine what will be my life in few weeks was my biggest preoccupation and motivation these days and of course I can’t wait to pack and go…
It has been sometimes really exciting to think about all the things I would like to do and see during this travel. Researching a lot has helped to calm my impatience to be on the road and it has helped me to figure out what are the essentials stops are and what I would like to do in each country. Of course the real plan is « no plan » but as we say in French  “Se préparer, c’est déja un peu voyager” (To prepare a trip is to travel already).
I’m doing long lists of things that I need to bring with me, lists of the cities I have to go, lists of the activities I would like to experience, lists of things to do before. Lists, lists, lists… As a matter of fact: I love lists! It’s my way to rationalise and restrain the anxiety that comes from travelling alone for so long and for the first time. Be prepared for any kind of circumstances, to be safe and to enjoy every second of the trip.

But I have to admit that I’ve been waking up for days, fighting a feeling that has been growing and rising slowly, day after day, it twists in my stomach and doesn’t allow me to breath normally.
Yes… I am scared.
The truth is that the idea of this big adventure totally freaks me out!
Meditation has helped me to focus on the positive side of this project and has succeeded to shut up the little voice who repeats viciously “What if…?” and put in front of my eyes all the possible ‘dangers’ (or call it difficulties) that I will have to face in few weeks.
Of course the desire of wanderlust is stronger than anything else but after the first weeks of excitement, I slowly realise that it is going to happen. For real.  And sooner rather than later.

Facing my bed, this amazing image of the world.

I like to think about the desire of wanderlust like a duality of feelings who are not opposites but who complete each other. The call of the wild is fading if you are on the road for too long but « home » is not warm and welcoming any more, not if your heart is dreaming too much to go on an adventure.

These two voices are talking together…
What if I’m sick and can’t get out of my bed? … You won’t be alone, there is nice people everywhere in the world ready to help you.
What if I’m living a scary and dangerous moment? … Trust your instinct like your past trips taught you. If your inner voice is telling you that something might be wrong, run.
What if I realise that I don’t like travelling like that? Am I too old? … There will be good and bad moments. For the hard times, your friends/family will be there for you.
What if I’m too affected by the condition of living of some people in some countries, or without being cheesy, the animals cause? … Try to help if you can. The feeling of guilt might tear you apart but you have to stay positive and smile. Give in return what people gave to you: happiness, strength, love. All the cultures are different, accept it but always have an opinion and don’t deny your feelings.

I know I’m lucky to realise this dream. I know that I deserve it too as I’ve worked to obtain what I wanted. Decisions, bad moments, ecstatics times drove me here and finally, I realised that there is another feeling surpassing all the anxiety : pride!

So everyday, I get up off my bed smiling, because in the end I know everything will be fine…

It has to be!